Pistols at Dawn is a young white male, approximately 25 years old. He is likely a graduate of an esteemed college or university. Some guesses are Columbia, St. Johns College, or Williams.
Pistols is likely employed as either an account executive, probably in the PR/Advertising field or as a staff member of a company with large federal government contracts. Given his penchant for posting, he is an unproductive worker.
Pistols at Dawn has trouble relating to his co-workers, as his superior education and contempt for others has alienated most. He especially dislikes his immediate boss who obviously gained his job through a nepotistic connection. In the top drawer of his desk is a stash of candy, most likely Snickers and 100 Grand bars.
While Pistols loves the women, they are not enthralled with his willingness to interrupt any conversation to share a terse and insightful comment. His creative mind confuses most women, and those that are attracted to him are probably not desirable themselves. As a result, Pistols occupies his time with reading. He has read Braudel’s Mediterranean (both volumes), as well as Proust’s À la recherché du temps perdu. He has a collection of comic books (Marvel over DC) and he lives alone.
Growing up (likely in Washington DC) Pistols at Dawn was exposed at an early age to the wealth and power concentrated in the nations’ capital. He was kicked-out of St. Albans Prep to make room for a diplomat’s son, and completed prep school at Georgetown Prep where the Jesuits named him most likely to be excommunicated.
Pistols at Dawn has never actually challenged anyone to a duel, though he is a charter member of the Aaron Burr Society. His parent are both college professors and he has a younger sister who he loves dearly. He most associates himself with Holden Caulfield, though others see him as a disciple of Catch-22's Yossarian.
Pistols at Dawn hosts Artie Lange’s favorite new blog. Stop by and don’t forget to read the archives.
7 comments:
How dare you mention Catch-22 so casually. Who the hell do you think you are????
Screw you and your pistols
I am flattered, sir - thank you.
I respect anyone who does their research, mostly because I can usually steal that research, pass it off as my own, and rocket to undeserved glory much faster than I can on my own.
I would say that overall, the picture you paint is perhaps 33% accurate, including an eerie correct guess of not my but my fancier brother's high school. Well played!
Mystery is usually more exciting than reality, but I will attempt to clarify a few points:
Pistols, in addition to an annoying penchant for referring to himself in the third person invented moniker, is indeed a white male, but enough years past 25 to no longer consider himself "young." He applied to many esteemed universities, including Bowdoin, Wesleyan, and Columbia, and was rejected by all of them.
He has attended some 7 colleges and universities (spanning two continents and both coasts) during his sometimes-stellar, sometimes-decidedly-not-so academic career, and currently holds two degrees in largely worthless disciplines, one of which is even kind of related to his present job, where his prolific posting proves his lack of production, and in the case of that sentence, his love of alliteration.
Women: I have left a small, barely discernible trail of semi-attractive-in-the-right-light (or no light at all) women not at all sad that I'm gone in my wake.
Pistols would like to be like Yossarian, but is too lazy to look up the word "nihilist" usually used to describe him. That's where your research comes in.
Pistols is also a fan of ending his rants when an idea comes full circle, or is referenced a second time.
Translation: Holds an M.F.A. in Film Theory and a B.A. in Greek Mythology. Works in a videostore. Women assume he's gay because he uses the big words that other men dare not use. Probably a great shag cuz bookworms listen and cuddle. Currently stalking Artie Lange.
Nearly spot-on, Katrocket (though the video store gig was years ago). You guys would make a great detective team (don't let him make you the Tubbs character). And I lack both the drive and the stealth abilities to stalk anyone.
Steak,
I'm only kidding. You are my one and only Major Major.
Pistol,
Thanks for being such a good sport. If I told my following of three to merely visit your site, they would revolt. Hence the tease. Keep up the great work!
Kat,
The whole BA in Greek thing was why I chose St. Johns College. no majors, read the Greeks freshman year.
Sadly, my love for the Greeks was based not on a undergraduate major (that'd be English, a discipline naturally full of Greek references), but a friendless childhood. Zeus was there for me during a really tough time, you know? It certainly didn't help the problem, though, as no one wants to be friends with the kid who's always referencing Mars/Aries.
In a strange, fitting twist, when you ask him to bring his war gods to smite the mean kids, you get the same silence you do when you reference Mars/Aries in conversation. Sad on both ends.
I'm hooked!
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