10. Douche ads and spas use the same design elements. Be careful you don't get them mixed up.
9. My kids are absolutely loco. Christmas has them so jacked-up, so out of control. As I see it, I have lost the ability to parent them from Thanksgiving to Christmas.
8. People who say put the Christ back in Christmas don't know what they are talking about. Sure we get an occasional Xmas out of someone, but do we really think there is some type of conspiracy against the 224,457,000 Christians in America? Given they make up more than 3/4 of the population, do they really feel that oppressed?
7. Tea is for pussies and people with a cold (like Artie).
6. I am stressed about finances and job security, but other people are stressed because they are hungry and don't know where their, or their child's, next meal will come from. Think about supporting your local food bank. Even $10 a month for a year will go a long way. Remember, folks are hungry all year round.
5. Is registering popular CB handles. When the Internet dies and CB's make a comeback, I will be all set to make a killing.
4. Will reduce my carbon footprint by wearing smaller charcoal-based shoes.
3. Babe Ruth was #3. He was fat, liked booze, and chased women. Maybe there is hope for me after all.
2. Had seven channels growing up; 13 if the rotor to our rooftop antenna was in order. I always found something to watch.
1. Vacuum is the only word I know with a double "U". I know a lot of words with double other vowels: Hawaiian aardvarks oogle beer; skiing baboons seek bazaars.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thursday, December 02, 2010
It happened like this...
"I am not sure if you understand what I am talking about," the older guy lectured with impatience and despair.
He and his 20-something crony were camped out at a coffee shop interviewing fellow losers who answered their advertisement on Craigslist. Chance of a Lifetime, the ad read. It told of a 30-year old company looking for self-motivated men and women who are interested in earning a lot of money distributing the world's next great energy drink, an organically made, low carbonated beverage. Its name escapes me.
In front of him was a socially maladroit, slightly balding, certainly under dressed 30-something who told farcical stories of his over-importance and wonderful life.
Yeah right, buddy. Things are so good, that's why you are in a coffee place meeting with two DeVry Institute drop outs who claim to run an established and thriving business but need to meet in a coffee house instead of an office and are willing to spend 45 minutes interviewing you when, as soon as you said that you didn't want to risk losing your disability and would work for NO MORE than $28,000 a year, they should have gotten up and left." Your denial of reality is almost as as pronounced as that last sentence was long.
I am a table or two away. I should be writing for work. I have tight deadlines ahead but little motivation. The conversation between the three is mesmerizing. I hear the older dude referencing Robert Kiyosaki (Rich Dad/Poor Dad) and Donald Trump (Rich Dad/Bad Hair). It seems they are pitching a multi-marketing corporation, a pyramid scheme if you will.
The two douche bags have no product to show, no website, no anything. They do, however have an opportunity that few will be offered: Give them a thousand dollars or so and they will set you up with a franchise. Get soda machines set up at places of business and sit back and let the passive income flow your way.
So that's it. Make money on the front end with some idiot who will actually pay you the cash and, if you are lucky, find a sap a month who actually places a machine or two and make money on the back end, too. If they don't work out, no worries. You got paid. If they succeed, less worries, you get paid more.
I am stuck here wondering what would happen if they truly acknowledged what they were doing and candidly explained their business plan.
"Look, we don't have much going for us, but we rightfully contend that you have even less going for you. We will sell you a dream. You will likely fail,except if you can do one thing: find someone dumber than you and offer them the same deal.
Admittedly, you won't earn the whole $1,000. We are your bosses, after all. Thus, we will take $700 and leave you $400. Find 70 people to take the deal and you have your $28,000! If they actually sell the product, you might only need half as many stooges!
It is a big world out there, fella. There are more than enough prospects to succeed. You want to move up the corporate ladder? Then you better be willing to move down the social/intellectual ladder."
Of course none of this is said. The interviewee is rambling on about his real estate investments that didn't quite pan out but made him millions on paper before they made him move back in with his diabetic mother. He then changes topics and talks about going to Europe each year and would need an assurance that this would be no problem. Seems he has a friend in Amsterdam and travels all over Europe--Amstrerdam, Rotterdam, The Hague, and Utrecht. Fuck, man, all of those places are in Holland!
It is comical how long this goes on, but it must. Instead of being the worst job candidate in the world, this guy is the best. He is the Jamie Dimon of delusional, the Steve Jobs of senseless, and the Warren Buffet of wacky. In the Pyramid scheme world this guy is Wharton material. Another 20 minutes or so and they all get up and punch contact information into their phones.
Was a deal made? I can't say. But I do feel a bit envious. For all the reasons this scheme sucks, I also know it can work. I want in. Perhaps I'll look for that ad online, set up a meeting, and maybe even get a vanilla latte out of the deal. I realize pyramids are set up to prey on the misguided, but how would it work out for someone who is totally tuned-in but doesn't care?
I'll let you know how it turns out. But until then, can I interest you in purchasing some Herbalife products?
He and his 20-something crony were camped out at a coffee shop interviewing fellow losers who answered their advertisement on Craigslist. Chance of a Lifetime, the ad read. It told of a 30-year old company looking for self-motivated men and women who are interested in earning a lot of money distributing the world's next great energy drink, an organically made, low carbonated beverage. Its name escapes me.
In front of him was a socially maladroit, slightly balding, certainly under dressed 30-something who told farcical stories of his over-importance and wonderful life.
Yeah right, buddy. Things are so good, that's why you are in a coffee place meeting with two DeVry Institute drop outs who claim to run an established and thriving business but need to meet in a coffee house instead of an office and are willing to spend 45 minutes interviewing you when, as soon as you said that you didn't want to risk losing your disability and would work for NO MORE than $28,000 a year, they should have gotten up and left." Your denial of reality is almost as as pronounced as that last sentence was long.
I am a table or two away. I should be writing for work. I have tight deadlines ahead but little motivation. The conversation between the three is mesmerizing. I hear the older dude referencing Robert Kiyosaki (Rich Dad/Poor Dad) and Donald Trump (Rich Dad/Bad Hair). It seems they are pitching a multi-marketing corporation, a pyramid scheme if you will.
The two douche bags have no product to show, no website, no anything. They do, however have an opportunity that few will be offered: Give them a thousand dollars or so and they will set you up with a franchise. Get soda machines set up at places of business and sit back and let the passive income flow your way.
So that's it. Make money on the front end with some idiot who will actually pay you the cash and, if you are lucky, find a sap a month who actually places a machine or two and make money on the back end, too. If they don't work out, no worries. You got paid. If they succeed, less worries, you get paid more.
I am stuck here wondering what would happen if they truly acknowledged what they were doing and candidly explained their business plan.
"Look, we don't have much going for us, but we rightfully contend that you have even less going for you. We will sell you a dream. You will likely fail,except if you can do one thing: find someone dumber than you and offer them the same deal.
Admittedly, you won't earn the whole $1,000. We are your bosses, after all. Thus, we will take $700 and leave you $400. Find 70 people to take the deal and you have your $28,000! If they actually sell the product, you might only need half as many stooges!
It is a big world out there, fella. There are more than enough prospects to succeed. You want to move up the corporate ladder? Then you better be willing to move down the social/intellectual ladder."
Of course none of this is said. The interviewee is rambling on about his real estate investments that didn't quite pan out but made him millions on paper before they made him move back in with his diabetic mother. He then changes topics and talks about going to Europe each year and would need an assurance that this would be no problem. Seems he has a friend in Amsterdam and travels all over Europe--Amstrerdam, Rotterdam, The Hague, and Utrecht. Fuck, man, all of those places are in Holland!
It is comical how long this goes on, but it must. Instead of being the worst job candidate in the world, this guy is the best. He is the Jamie Dimon of delusional, the Steve Jobs of senseless, and the Warren Buffet of wacky. In the Pyramid scheme world this guy is Wharton material. Another 20 minutes or so and they all get up and punch contact information into their phones.
Was a deal made? I can't say. But I do feel a bit envious. For all the reasons this scheme sucks, I also know it can work. I want in. Perhaps I'll look for that ad online, set up a meeting, and maybe even get a vanilla latte out of the deal. I realize pyramids are set up to prey on the misguided, but how would it work out for someone who is totally tuned-in but doesn't care?
I'll let you know how it turns out. But until then, can I interest you in purchasing some Herbalife products?
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