Meeting at Halliburton (overheard)
or
12 white men sitting around a table.
Boss: (to all) Now that Democrats are in charge of the Congress and subpoenas are sure to follow, we have some big problems with an upcoming project. Johnson?
Johnson: Yes sir. Well it seems our bid to build a 1,700-mile wall to protect us from those terrorist Mexicans and Guatemalans may have been a tad optimistic in price. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. We underbid, we win the work, and then we make money on change orders. No big deal.
Boss: God, I love change orders! Say can you believe they let that black, Tiger Woods, play at Augusta? He even drinks out of the same water fountain as I do!
Johnson: Yes, err…. as I was saying. The problem is that a Democratic controlled Congress will likely investigate any irregularities in constructions costs.
Boss: Speaking of irregularities, I haven’t had good bowel movements in days.
VP: Must be all that white bread you eat, boss. (laughter follows).
Johnson: Anyway, we need to find a way to make this project come in under budget. We can’t afford to lose money on this deal. Our company’s partners demand we make money.
VP: What, does Cheney plan on buying all of Wyoming? (laughter follows).
Boss: (angrily) Quiet, he could be listening! Besides, I need you to think. Time is money and the cost of materials is increasing as we sit here. Save us money! Make us money!
Intern: Sir?
Boss: Who are you?
Intern: I’m your intern sir. I’m a senior at Yale, a member of the Skull and Bones Society. I’m the guy who runs your predatory lending businesses in poor urban areas.
Boss: Yes! How is the company going?
Intern: We are taking 25% of each check cashed.
VP: You could make more, if the government would raise the minimum wage.
Boss: God forbid!
Intern: Sir, I think I know a way we could make this project work.
Boss: Keep talking:
Intern: Hire Mexicans.
Boss: What?
Intern: Hire Mexicans, sir. Many of them are skilled in construction and they will work for pennies on the dollar compared to American workers. In fact, sir, don’t pay them at all. Once the wall is up, it won’t even matter.
Boss: Can this work?
Intern: Yes sir, just make sure the Mexicans only work on the south side of the wall.
Boss: South side of the wall, brilliant!
or
12 white men sitting around a table.
Boss: (to all) Now that Democrats are in charge of the Congress and subpoenas are sure to follow, we have some big problems with an upcoming project. Johnson?
Johnson: Yes sir. Well it seems our bid to build a 1,700-mile wall to protect us from those terrorist Mexicans and Guatemalans may have been a tad optimistic in price. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. We underbid, we win the work, and then we make money on change orders. No big deal.
Boss: God, I love change orders! Say can you believe they let that black, Tiger Woods, play at Augusta? He even drinks out of the same water fountain as I do!
Johnson: Yes, err…. as I was saying. The problem is that a Democratic controlled Congress will likely investigate any irregularities in constructions costs.
Boss: Speaking of irregularities, I haven’t had good bowel movements in days.
VP: Must be all that white bread you eat, boss. (laughter follows).
Johnson: Anyway, we need to find a way to make this project come in under budget. We can’t afford to lose money on this deal. Our company’s partners demand we make money.
VP: What, does Cheney plan on buying all of Wyoming? (laughter follows).
Boss: (angrily) Quiet, he could be listening! Besides, I need you to think. Time is money and the cost of materials is increasing as we sit here. Save us money! Make us money!
Intern: Sir?
Boss: Who are you?
Intern: I’m your intern sir. I’m a senior at Yale, a member of the Skull and Bones Society. I’m the guy who runs your predatory lending businesses in poor urban areas.
Boss: Yes! How is the company going?
Intern: We are taking 25% of each check cashed.
VP: You could make more, if the government would raise the minimum wage.
Boss: God forbid!
Intern: Sir, I think I know a way we could make this project work.
Boss: Keep talking:
Intern: Hire Mexicans.
Boss: What?
Intern: Hire Mexicans, sir. Many of them are skilled in construction and they will work for pennies on the dollar compared to American workers. In fact, sir, don’t pay them at all. Once the wall is up, it won’t even matter.
Boss: Can this work?
Intern: Yes sir, just make sure the Mexicans only work on the south side of the wall.
Boss: South side of the wall, brilliant!
3 comments:
I can't believe no one's commented on your literary brilliance. Better script than 90% of the crap that came outta Hollywood last year. PURE COMEDY GOLD.
Yup. What she said.
Kat and Chris,
You two are the best and I am unworthy of your praise. That said, I thank you for your comments. I said I wouldn't write another until this one was acknowledged. You have save the day (for me) and ruined it (forn the others that would disagree with your sritique of my writing.
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