An Artie Lange Exclusive!

Smelmooo Left with Wife's Table Scraps!!!

The New Year kicks off on a sad note, as Artie Lange investigators learn that the great Smelmooo lacks the domestic clout to claim anything but his wife's piddling castaways from the couple's M&M bowl.

Based on an online interview conducted by Artie Lange Super Slueth Kelli, we learn that Smelmooo is forbidden to eat from the M&M bowl until Tangentwoman eats all that she wants. Smelmooo, by then totally emasculated, is then free to partake in anything that's left. He does so with the smile of a Texas steer, happy to graze but unable to perform any manly functions.

Here is a Q&A between Kelli and the tragically powerless Smelmooo:

Q. What was the last thing that you ate?
A. Yellow M&Ms. We have a candy jar here and it only has yellow M&Ms in it. FUN!

Sadly, Artie Lange sources reveal that yellow M&M's are considered by Tangent Woman to be "disgusting little pellets of dried cat urine" and are "something I give to those I most despise." This according to an anonymous source who is close to the couple.

Artie Lange's news team began to investigate this marital injustice of confectionary proportions when Tangent Woman proudly proclaimed on the Artie Lange web site her hatred of all things yellow (and produced by M&M/Mars in a bag labeled M&M's).

Her rambling and hate-filled confession to follow.

tangentwoman said...
[...] I won't eat the yellows because I was allergic to yellow dye when I was a kid, and it's just stuck with me [...] Glad the Smelmooo [...]!

The hate-filled rants can be found within the ellipsis. For fear of facing litigation, the editorial board decided to omit said rants.

Artie Lange will keep you informed of any further developments.