Free form

Who knew managing a blog would be so much pressure? The Gods of Time, Topic, and...well, Time just don't seem to be coming together. So, like the great Larry King, I will write my scategorical statements for all to read. My apologies for not being more prepared.

Universal Signs.

My plan to create a universal sign for “you have something on your face” doesn’t seem to be catching on. You know how pretending to write on one’s palm is the universal sign for “check please,” and hands around the throat means you are choking? Well, being the entrepreneur that I am, I saw a need for a new signal. Nowadays, people try to pinpoint the offending spot on another’s face by pointing on their own, and we, the offenders, are left to guess if it is a mirror image or if we should go to the opposite side. Moreover, we helplessly play a game of “you are getting hotter” as we carefully move up and down, left and right, with full attention on the other person, whose sole job is to lead us to the promised land, a smear of veggie cream cheese on our chin. My thought was to be more general with our signaling. Instead of attempting to laser-in on the exact spot of slop, I proposed a phalanx strategy in which we sweep the entire face and remove all unwanted matter. The key is to start at the hairline, pinkies touching, thumbs extended just above the ears. With one sweeping motion, the hands slide down the face towards the chin. No piece of real estate goes untouched and the pesky particle will have most certainly been cleared. I thought this would really work. I’m not satisfied with identifying a problem; I want to offer a solution. And the “Face Sweep,” as a universal sign, is surely better than the present method. That said, perhaps I am ahead of my time.


Green and Yellow

Yes it is true. For the past 28 years I have eaten only yellow and green M&Ms. The genesis of this trait goes back to the 1977 Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football Team and my strategy sessions in which green and yellow would be Notre Dame and brown, light brown, and orange would be USC. I would set up formations and run plays for Vegas Ferguson or Joe Montana. Notre Dame would always win. In the end, I could never in good conscience eat the opposition, even if it does provide a good metaphor. I’d usually give them away or throw them in the trash.

Now, to answer the questions I am sure you are asking yourself. Even though M&Ms introduced Blue (a Notre Dame team color), I do not eat them. It’s really about the streak now; the original reasoning seems a little silly at 36. I like peanut more than I like plain. I don’t eat the pastels or Christmas colors. People have tried to force me to eat other colors. I once had a girlfriend try to trick me into eating another color. I dumped her because of it.

Running

I would like to start running again. I am fat and out of shape, and I am growing impatient with my poor lifestyle choices. That said, what I need most now is patience. I am known to push too hard, too soon which usually leads to injury or burn out. I am stating this in my blog so you can all hold me accountable.


A bad idea

The great Steakbellie has taken notice of my historical posts and suggests I write the history of porn. This is a bad idea. Though I have the breadth of knowledge to do so, my depth of knowledge is sorely lacking. In fact I’ve never seen past the first 10 minutes of any x-rated movie. Go figure.