Please Respond Mr. President!
I wrote these letters for a pal. I'm not sure they ever saw the light of day, but think they are worth sharing. I'll post one a day. Enjoy!

The Honorable William Jefferson Clinton
William J. Clinton Foundation
55 West 125th Street
New York, NY 10027

Dear President Clinton:

In the 154 years since this great country was first formed, there has been only two great presidents: Benjamin Franklin and you. Allow me to introduce myself, I am MacWing, a competitor in Philadelphia’s 610am -WIP Radio’s Wing Bowl, a competitive eating contest scheduled for the morning of February 3, 2006.

More than 15,000 people attend Wing Bowl which is held at the CoreStates Center/First Union Center/Wachovia Center. I qualified for Wing Bowl by eating 2 pounds of Haggis in four minutes. Have you ever eaten Haggis? I imagine a worldly man like you has eaten Haggis. Perhaps you had it when you were a Road Scholar at Cambridge or at one of those State Dinners like the one in the movie The American President. By the way, do you like movies about the president? Which was the most realistic? Do you have a favorite? I love The American President. I think Annette Benning is really pretty and Michael Douglas is the type of guy I want to be when I turn 70.

Anyway, as part of Wing Bowl, I am allowed to have an entourage to enter the arena with me. It is a big honor since I am only allowed to have 10 people. I wanted to see if you wanted to join my entourage. Having a former President would be a real hoot. I imagine you would have to have the secret service with you, but I don’t think WIP would count those brave people as part of my group.

I know it must seem silly, for me to make this request, but like my wife tells our kids: you never know if you can do something unless you try. I figure I’d give it a try.

Thank you so much for your consideration. Sorry for the short notice but I just qualified.

Sincerely,

XXX

PS. May I have an autographed picture?

There is a God and She is just

If you haven't yet heard the story of Jason McElwain, a senior at Greece Athena High School in Rochester, NY, I am so sorry for you.

With only four minutes left in the varsity basketball, Athena coach Jim Johnson signaled for McElwain to get in the game. Excitedly, he sprinted onto the court. In his haste he forgot to check-in with the scorekeeper.

You'll forgive Jason this transgression. You see, this was his first varsity game of the year. In fact, this was his first varsity game ever. Until that day, the 18-year old was the team manager, a kid whose unbridled love of basketball and his classmates and his unending enthusiasm shines incandescently on the dark wintry days of his upstate New York school.

Oh, by the way, Jason has autism. He didn't learn to speak until he was six. He spends his day in special ed classes.

The crowd was packed that night with Jason's classmates. They knew this was the first time the boy would wear a team uniform. His coach made no promises he would enter the game, but the crowd let the coach know their desire. The Jason chants started at tip-off and never died throughout the game.

With 4:02 left, Jason got the call. Getting to this point hadn't been easy for Jason. His autism is a condition that has made some people uncomfortable to be around him. Obviously the kids at Athena don't feel that way

"A couple weeks ago he missed practice because he was sick and you feel differently when he's not around because he brings humor and life to the team," says Athena basketball player Levar Goff.

Getting the ball on the right arc, Jason,--a runt of a kid, 5’ 7” and no more than 125 pounds--heaved a three point attempt, his chance to fulfill a dream, to score a bucket.

The ball was so far off the mark that it made pre-Iraqi intelligence look accurate. The gym groaned a collective groan and Jason, head in hands. back peddled on defense. The good hearted coach Johnson wondered if it was a mistake, playing McElwain. His apprehension got worse when Jason missed a lay-up their next time down the court.

Jason's father told Johnson not to worry. Jason is fearless, he said. He is not afraid to fail.

And fail, he wouldn't. Getting the ball at the same place of his first failed attempt, Jason pushed-up line-drive shot that rattled on the rim and then fell as the frenzied crowd’s excitement rose to deafening levels.

Jason was red with excitement. A fun-loving special-needs kid, his warm and accepting classmates, a kind and generous coach--this is a cast of characters and a story on par with Rudy (which, unlike the story of Jason, is heavily embellished).

But it doesn’t end there. He scored again (3 pointer), and again (3 pointer), and again (3), and again (3), and again (3). With time running out he lofted his last shot, with his foot on the line, it was a two pointer. It too went in.

Jason McElwain, the Athena High School Boys Basketball Team Manager, a kid who recognizes his handicap but refuses to bow to either its effects or the cruel prejudices it creates, scored 20 points in 4 minutes. It should be pointed out that the other team, while not exerting the defensive pressure of Duke, gave no freebies to Jason. He earned them on the perimeter. He made six of eight shots from three point range.

As time ran out, the students stormed the court; Jason was hoisted onto the shoulders of his teammates and eagerly accepted the adulation of the thousand or so people in attendance.

"This is the first moment Jason has ever succeeded and is proud of himself. I look at autism as the Berlin Wall, he cracked it," says Jason's mom, Debbie McElwain."I've had a lot of thrills in coaching and I've coached a lot of wonderful kids, but I've never experienced something like this ever in my life, you know other than my own personal family things. My emotions, I couldn't stop crying," says Athena head coach Jim Johnson.

Jason spent an hour afterwards signing autographs. His last nine days have been filled with interviews and children knocking on his door wanting to meet the star of Greece Athena High School. Disney has called about the rights to his story.

As someone else put it, “Because he is autistic -- Jason says he's used to feeling different. But never this different - never this wonderful.”

Wonderful, indeed! Wonderful for him. Wonderful for the rest of us, who continue to search for what Jason already has. Not fame, but a dream, a passion, a respect for the credo of “do unto others,” a credo that was rewarded dollar-for-dollar, bucket-for bucket, on that winter New York night.

OK, OK. The great 25b suggested I put an end to the politicking and write more stories. I think he may have gotten overly turned-on by the sponge bath description from two days yore and that creeps me out. But I do value his opinion.

That said, I'd love to write more short stories, but unfortunately I am not that complete of a thinker and most of my ideas dig no deeper than Fox News reporting on Iraq. I wish I had Birdy's focus, but I ams what I ams (poop poop).

Oftentimes I will come up with an idea for a character, and before the words leave my lips, they evaporate from thought. Good ideas but gone ideas. Let's see what's going on in Artie's head; maybe a story will arise.

A guy who buys two identical lottery tickets, that way if someone else wins, he is guaranteed two shares.

A guy who proudly wears a WWJD bracelet, but always guesses wrong with regard to Jesus' likely actions (Jesus would steal that i-pod because music should be free, not something to be paid for).

A guy who becomes infatuated with eating contests. He alienates his family in the vain search of glory and is only saved after his youngest son gets run over by a car. Instead of getting help, the guy orders 60 Buffalo wings from his cell phone and then asks if the delivery guy could bring extra napkins for the blood (the kid lives).

A guy who becomes consumed with posting top five lists in his blog ( I know...I'm getting really weird!).

It really isn’t much, but like I said, I forget my ideas almost before I think them. Tomorrow is another day. Oooh, another one!!!

A 12-year old boy whose only goal in life is to get the title role in the musical Annie. I think I will go with this one!!!

Man on the White Horse
Iraq seems to be slipping further and further into the abyss. Sunnis and Shiites are all but at war with each other; their common disdain of our actions has not been enough to keep them at relative peace.

Iraq, like the former Yugoslavia, is a mishmash of cultures that have battled each other for centuries. Also like Yugoslavia, it took a dictator to get things calm, and anarchy rose upon their leaving office (death for Tito, arrest for Hussein).

Is it too early to start discussing the partitioning of Iraq into separate countries? Can we begin to consider if a benign dicator is desirable or even possible?

I'd love to see an interim cost-benefit analysis of our endeavors. Question: if our costs continue to rise, will our objectives have to change. In other words, creating a Democracy might be good enough for $400 billion, but do we want total control over all oil at $2 trillion? I don't say that jokingly. At what point do we have to say f*** our principles, we need money, and their oil is our rich uncle.

I'm a big believer in "as circumstances require." I never would have went to war with Iraq and the radical Muslim world, but now that we are waist high in our own feces, should we peaceniks consider what actions we must take to make this worth it?