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President Bush was forced to cut short his visit to the Caribbean Island of St. John in anticipation of the imminent arrival of Hurricane Myagkeey Znahk. The president was visiting the island at the invitation of Exelon and General Motors who jointly sponsored the third annual Global Freezing Conference.

According to conference materials, the best way to combat the Jesus-created global warning phenomena is to turn up the air conditioner and buy Papal-Blessed Hummers. Stuart Smythe, founder of the conference, said the program was created to offset the Liberal, pro-terrorism, academic elite who like to confuse hardworking Americans with their empirical data, detailed climatologic charts, and scientifically-based projections of how changes in weather patterns will negatively affect towns, cities, and counties around the world.

“I get all my answers right here,” said Smythe while holding up a Gideon’s Bible. “Worried about flooding? Build an ark!”

Hurricane Myagkeey Znahk is the 374th hurricane of the season. Named after the 30th letter of the Russian Alphabet, Myagkeey Znahk is presently a category 5 hurricane and is expected to literally annihilate the island. Hurricanes are named by the World Meteorological Organization which follows a formula of phonetically naming storms using proper names alternating between male and female names. If all 26 pre-accepted English names are exhausted (once in the last 60 years), Greek letters are used, then French, then Chinese, then German, then Sanskrit, then Hmong, then Creole, then Portuguese, and finally Russian.